Atiya started as soon as she sat down: “Here is what they did to me. And this and this and this”, she said as she recounted a long list of perceived injustices that her supervisory team at work had inflicted upon her. “Don’t you think my anger is justified? Don’t I have the right to be angry?” 

It is tempting to convince ourselves in situations like these that anyone in our shoes would react the same way. That we are doing what any ‘normal’ human being would do, that is be angry. 

Do you have a right and a justification to be angry when someone crosses a boundary or does you harm? 

You have a right to be angry. Of course you do! 

This is naturally how our brain thinks when we are upset. It is almost as if there was a lawyer inside our head making a case for our anger and against the person whom we are angry with. The lawyer inside our head is highly skilled. She picks and chooses her facts very...

My Dearest Daughter 

As I see you standing tall in your hat and gown, my heart is bursting with pride. I watch you confident in your step and radiant in your smile. As you step onto the threshold of life outside “the bubble” (as you call it), I silently pray that you have many many reasons to flash that beautiful smile. You have worked hard and your achievements are well deserved. The pride I feel today, however, is the result of who you are as a person and not simply at what you have achieved. I am humbled and inspired by the poised young woman I see before me, wanting to contribute to making this world better, with a heart that is motivated by love and a sense of justice that leads her to take action towards the establishment of a better future for this planet. 

The degree that will hang on the wall will open many doors for you, I hope. It will, I pray, be the start of much success and achievement. People will likely commend you for the...

l requires us to do something, to take action. 

In the above example, if I say, “Be more patient”, it is not clear what action I need to take. However, if I write “Practice speaking in a soft voice”, it is a clear action that I can take and practice. 

Realistic: When we are enthusiastic and inspired to make change, we sometimes become unrealistic in what we can achieve. While it is important to stretch ourselves and move beyond our comfort zone, it is also essential that we are realistic about what we are currently capable of. 

For example, if we have a challenge waking up for fajr salaat, it may be unrealistic to vow to start praying tahajjud every night from now on. 

Although there are many ways to make changes, the easiest and most sustainable one is to make small but significant changes on an ongoing basis. Since these changes are sustainable, there is a greater chance that they will ‘stick’. 

In...

Do you sometimes feel that you and the person you are talking to are speaking different languages? You want to get your message across an you think you are being clear but it seems to be getting lost in translation. Does it seem that the person you are talking to appears to be getting a completely different message than the one you intended? In relationships, it is very common to have this experience of the “broken telephone” type of communication where you say and what the other hears is rather different from each other. 

The message that you have in your head and want to communicate is the “intention’ of the message and the message that is actually received by the person you are talking to is the “impact ” of the message. 

When the impact of your communication is different from the intention, it is likely that there arefilterswhich are distorting your message before it is received by the other. 

Howard J. Markman,...

You have had a hard day and are at the end of your rope. Maybe it is all his fault or maybe it is something else. It is nearly time for your significant other to come home. You cannot wait to vent. To “have it out” with him or just to “let it all out”. 

Consider this: The first few minutes of the interaction after you have been away from each other sets the tone for the rest of the evening. If you can just hang in there for a few minutes and greet your significant other and welcome them, the effort will be worth your while. 

It is much more productive to have a de-stressing conversation when both of you are calm and ready to listen. 

Do you find yourself forever putting out fires, reactive, nagging, stressed when dealing with your children? Do you wish that for once your children would do what they are supposed to, without nagging, that they would help out, step up to the plate? What if therewasa better way to manage family life? 

In my experience, family meetings are a wonderful way to short circuit much of the chaos that ensues when there are no formal rules, set expectations or consequences for rule breaking. The meetings provide a regular format for the family to discuss concerns at a time when people are calm as opposed to stressed (when was the last time you did that?) and to come up with solutions together which work for everyone in the family. 

Family meetings provide everyone in the household with a voice. Both children and adults get the vital message that they and their input is important to the smooth functioning of family. Even young children can be encouraged to participate and speak up...

Couples in therapy are often surprised to see how little it can take to turn the course of a distressed relationship. Small everyday acts of kindness and appreciation can make a big difference to the overall health of your relationship. 

Can you remember some of the little things that you used to do but are no longer doing? The exchange of a newsworthy story at breakfast? The telephone call at lunchtime just to “check in”? Making sure there is enough toothpaste/toilet paper/soap for your spouse before they go into the shower? The little hug or cuddle at the end of the day? 

Start doing little acts of kindness and see how the climate of your relationship improves. 

Parents often assume that children know where they stand on important ethical issues and moral values. Consider this: our children arereceivingvalue based messages fromtheirenvironment:theirpeers,theirschool, the media and society at large. If we as parents are silent about our values, ours is the only voice that is absent in thecacophonythat helps shape their moral identity. 

Speak up! State where you stand on important issues and invite your children to discuss moral and ethical issues with you.Researchshows that children who debate and discuss moraldilemmasat home are less likely to engage in risky behaviour as teenagers.